I would have loved to boast that I served my ex ‘dust’ after we broke up or I skipped town and never looked back. Well, that’s not my story, in fact, I pined after him for days, reminisced about our good times, and soaked in sorrow because the heartache from the separation was worse than I expected. I laboured with thoughts of “what ifs” and “maybes”. And I fantasized about going back. In retrospect, the relationship wasn’t too bad but it wasn’t too good either. Still, I took him back. While some relationships have survived a breakup, ours didn’t. We kept dancing around the real cause for the breakup in the first place and got tired of our sloppy 1, 2 steps. Besides that, the question remains, “Why did I take him back?”. So for those of you with a similar story, review these 6 possible answers to see which fits your reality. You could save yourself from future heartache.
It was my fault.
Yes, you did him dirty, you had a nasty attitude, you were overbearing and you didn’t care too much. Perhaps you were too submissive, you always put his needs first. Whatever it was, you caused the relationship to end. Even if it was your fault, the bottom line is that you can’t shoulder the full burden of a relationship. You take your Lessons and learn from them in order to bring your best you to the next.
I was too lonely!
We often have an extreme aversion to dealing with loneliness especially when we have been in long-term relationships. The thought of having to move on without the one you’ve spent many days, months, or years is coupled with the fear of being alone. One online writer described this fear as “one of the single greatest contributors to human misery and the driver of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions.” (The School of Life). In this context, we tend to associate being alone with being unloved. Being alone never means there is something wrong with us or that we’re being punished. Take this time to find joy in the company of your own mind and emotions.
We Had amazing sex.
I’ve heard this response once too many. If you go deeper than the surface, all puns intended, you will realize that it’s not the sex. It’s the intimacy you both shared. The oxytocin levels that spiked when you saw or touched him. The dopamine that triggered when he gave you attention and the mumbo jumbo that went on in your brain where you only focused on the good times. You already know a relationship cannot thrive on amazing sex only. If he doesn’t make you tingle outside of the bedroom, you’re wasting your energy.
I will never find anyone else like him.
This sentiment reveals some serious insecurity which leads you to latch onto someone who may not be good for you. You will never find another like him because they are not him. I dare to put forward that if he allowed the relationship to end, well maybe he wasn’t worth it. Moping around with the thought that you have lost a “good one” earns you a coin with two negative sides. There is no one else good enough for all you have to offer and well, you have nothing to offer. Your insecurity wreaks despair and pessimism which eventually makes you unattractive and avoidable. If you wish to venture into a new relationship, stop searching for familiar grounds and be confident and open to new territories.
I wanted to give it another try.
We love to prove even ourselves wrong. Breaking up was a mistake, we didn’t give it our all. I could’ve done or been more… It will work this time. There is nothing wrong with trying again, but how many times ma’am? Aren’t you exhausted by the trials and errors? Certainly both parties did not complement the other. Chances are you will never get it right. Do yourself a favour and try to improve your character, find hobbies that make you happy, and be content with who you are. Maybe, just maybe, then, it will work.
I love him.
And that’s okay but you don’t need to go back to prove your love. When you are emotionally invested, it complicates everything especially when there is a critical decision to be made. Our heads and hearts aren’t usually in blissful agreement. This affair of the heart is often the single most influential cause for returning to and settling with heartache. Love does not change someone. Neither does it make it all better again. Love does not cure the stress you had left some time ago. Love does not make someone the best fit. It could be that distance is better. You know, love him from afar. Wish him the best and move on.
