The Karlyn Percil you see today is not the same girl who grew up in a tiny village in St Lucia. A young Karlyn would forge ahead, seeing a more ideal future that would allow her the luxuries of running water, electricity, and not having to trek an hour long to get to the spot where the bus would pick her up and transport her to school because “we lived so far up in the bush”. Make no mistake, even though those days are long gone, the values and lessons taught by her mother and grandmother during her childhood remain with her today.
Those lessons were invaluable in allowing her to be grounded as a woman who appreciates her Afro-Caribbean roots. She often reminisces on the long walk, no longer a means to get to school, but a significant symbol today of her journey as a Caribbean woman to where she is today. She lavishes on the fact that she is still here and gets to continue the long purpose walk and evolve in her story. She shares with us that the more she remembers who she is, the more profound her vision becomes, taking on a larger-than-life quality causing her to hold tightly to her values, dreams, and her impact on the world.
Karlyn worked at a bank in St Lucia and then relocated to Toronto, Canada at 25 years of age. The foundation of her work was in Finance, specifically Operations. After a successful 20-year career working on Bay Street in Toronto with one of the top 5 banks, she decided to throw in the proverbial work towel, dreaming bigger into her purpose by betting 100% on Karlyn.
She started the KDPM Consulting Group, which houses different brands including a program that trains C-Suite executives around psychological and cultural safety. This program focuses on structural barriers to workplace inclusion, increasing conscious competency around anti-racism and anti-blackness, making structural whiteness visible; the program also highlights the impact of structural whiteness and internalized racism and colonized thinking on black people’s level of self-determination showing up fully as themselves. Through SisterTalk, she focuses on curated workshops and learning experiences for women with a special focus on Afro-Caribbean women.
A fan and researcher of African Technology Tools, Systems Thinking and Emotional Intelligence, Karlyn also developed The Success System. A self-directed personal system that helps us change our mindset about what we have control of. She notes that as Black people, we have all been exposed to racial and other trauma at some level while growing up. She shares: “we all enter this world complete, but because this world is not set up for us, and we have all experienced trauma, we sometimes carry with us narratives and experiences that hold us back from our true potential. I believe we all have the power to change our minds and thoughts. We have the power to choose our emotions. One of the greatest ways to express our power is to remember that while we may not be able to control the experiences we go through, we get to create our own narratives, our own stories, and how we respond to them. Many of us get tired of the story we tell ourselves about why we are stuck or why we are still where we are,” and this thought process helped birth her Success System.
“Understanding how the mind works, the power of our thoughts, and how emotions are made, plus learning from thought leaders like Bell Hooks, Audre Lorde, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robins, James Clear, Heidi Halverson, Brené Brown, and others, and I was learning from all these incredible people, but I was not applying what I learned to my life. And so, my story, outlook, and outcome never changed because as the quote says, “taking in all those self-help and not applying it is another form of failure”.
Karlyn got to the point where she had to take control by having the ‘talk’ with herself—that she can change her mindset and ‘emotion-set’ and develop emotional intelligence.
The Success System became the road map, the success bridge that helped her create the success steps needed to change her life.
Walking away from stability
Walking away from stability can never be easy. In describing how that step was for her, Karlyn admitted that it was scary initially because she was moving from the comfort zone to the ‘dream bigger zone’ and our brains are wired for safety, not uncertainty. She had to move. It was time. Her decision to walk away was also fueled by being passed up for a role that she was acting and performing in with great results that contributed to the bottom line of the company she was with. In the end, they imported someone to fill the role and she was told “you are doing a great job but just wait your turn, it’s coming”.
She decided not to wait her turn but instead to create her turn and make it a reality. She bet 100% on Karlyn. Unnerving as it was, she placed faith in herself, her skills, her track record, and the networks she had formed while working and through the various community roles she held within her community while working. That gave her the confidence to know she would succeed. She did not leave immediately but moved to a contractual position as a consultant, and even though that was scary with her skills and track record intact, she still doubted herself, questioning whether she could thrive in another environment. Despite the questions, she did. Although she was afraid, she still had the obvious questions and doubts surfacing ever so often with some days being good, while others not so good. She pressed on, fully committed with great expectations and the opportunities came. It has been 6 years and she is still learning that growth comes in different ways and waves. It is a journey, and each growth phase we go through will require a deeper, braver part of ourselves; but the good news is that, as we go on, we get to meet a braver part of ourselves, and she believes that is the most powerful gift a woman can give herself.
‘When we women (re) discover our bravest self, nothing and no one can stop us. This belief and self-determination unleash our inner warrior – our superpower” says Karlyn.
Karlyn reflects that everybody’s journey will be different as we move into our growth phase and that our brains are wired for comfort and predictability. In light of this observation, she encourages any woman who may be faced with a similar situation but paralyzed by the fear of the unknown to start where you are. While she worked at the bank she hosted “Lunch & Grow” sessions. She always had her ideas of how to teach women on how to increase their emotional intelligence, and her aim was to share this knowledge and get women to understand how their brains work and the science behind emotions so that “we can stop being afraid of being afraid, lean into the intelligence of our emotions and instead learn to navigate our lives better”. Karlyn encouragingly states that whatever idea you may have or even an underutilized skill set that others can benefit from, repackage it and put it to use and begin there, build your confidence muscle by taking action and by starting where you are.
We have been conditioned as women to have all the answers. Women don’t apply for positions until they have 120% of the requirements, and even when we have all the requirements, we still talk ourselves out of applying. Research shows that it is the extreme opposite with men who barely have 50% and, they go for it. So, women need to start thinking about how overqualified they may be for the role they are in, identify that skill, start with that one step, bet on themselves, and let that one thing be your guide. You don’t need to see all the steps. As Martin Luther King Jnr said in that famous quote, “Faith is Taking the First Step Even When You Don’t See the Whole Staircase.”
Healing Ourselves
My journey is guided by ancestral wisdom. I keep the words of Ancestor Malidoma Patrice Somé close on my journey–One can say, ‘Teach me what you know,’
but the better request is, ‘Teach me about what teaches you.’
Healing is not a linear journey, and it takes a community for us to heal. It is a journey that, as you go through and you learn more about what teaches you in life, through the (un) learning and (re) learning journey – your capacity to practice self-love from a village perspective provides greater capacity for you to consistently meet yourself where you are with grace and kindness. Faced with misogynoir in our culture by both people who look like you and those who don’t, you learn to prioritize and practice this sentiment “Self-love is a lifetime journey” Karlyn shares that she had to understand who she was, the impact of racial trauma on her personality, and how this influenced how she showed up in her communication and relationship skills.
A great lesson Karlyn learned on her journey to healing is that we either become what life throws at us, or we use what life throws at us—the experiences we go through – to become who we would like to be. She says she did not choose any of the negative experiences she went through, but she had to realise it was her reality. She spent a good 30 years blaming herself while asking why society or her family hadn’t protected her. The answer is, unfortunately, not only do we live, but we also function in a society where shame is at the core of all we do says Karlyn. Family shame prevents people from speaking up about family members we need to hold accountable for doing wrong. We allow shame and the fear of speaking up to become the narrative versus protecting an innocent child or woman. As women, we must take our power back and give back to society its shame. Karlyn declares that she had to do that for herself, for her inner child, and for her nieces, nephews, and all the little girls who will be walking a similar path.
Society needs to address the toxic masculinity that enables men to act without repercussions, and we must also address the women who protect them. We must place responsibility on the people and systems causing the harm and not those who are experiencing psychological violence–further being victimized by the system and society. A common vision rooted in our full dignity and respect needs to be developed where all women come together and demand more for themselves and their children. We must hold each other and society accountable, and that includes men as well. Disrupting the status quo and naming the violent systems and the visible and invisible “cultural norms” society tends to hide behind is the Elephant in the Room we must address.
We have made progress, but an urgency must be added to the progress. Men are hurting from this toxic masculinity as well. A man that inflicts pain on another individual cannot love themselves. There are also socioeconomic situations and other layers that contribute to the bigger picture that we see today, but until we get to the root, speak from that level, and stop protecting people, will we begin to make serious progress. It is Karlyn’s hope that as women, we rise together to a bigger vision for ourselves and our children and with that vision, we demand more from ourselves. When we do that, the required urgency will come and cause a shift in our culture.
