Written By Trish Forreal

We have seen multiple pictures of date nights, bae-cations, “I said yes.,” and relationship goals on social media. Like many single women, you may be wondering when you will meet your knight in shining armor. Many women have these photo-op moments but at the price of settling and undervaluing themselves. Then others want to find their twin flame, the one or their other half, but at a higher premium. The adage says, “Why buy a cow when you get the milk for free.” But what is, at best, the cow or the milk? We have heard many stories of women who have given away their milk too early and for too long, only to end up bitter and disillusioned by unmet expectations and unrequited love.

Meet Nicole Porter, transformational coach, author, and the face behind the Uncommon Single brand. After a marriage that ended in divorce, Nicole knew she had work to do to live life happily and not as a casualty of divorce. The road to uncommon singlehood was trying and liberating all at the same time. Nicole chose herself, shifted her paradigm on relationships, and became whole in the process.

I know you are curious to know the definition of an uncommon single person. You are in for a treat. According to Merriam- Webster’s Dictionary, the word uncommon is an adjective that means not ordinarily encountered. By definition, the term single means unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship. The uncommon single is single by choice. Of course, being an uncommon single does not afford anyone bragging rights or an air of superiority to the commonality of being booed up because of societal pressures or out of fear of being lonely.

The uncommon single wants to be booed up too and purpose a relationship that is worth it but only after dealing with her unresolved trauma.

She has come to a place of wholeness and self-awareness.

An uncommon single is a person who does not want to struggle with happiness, whether in a relationship or not. This person knows that true happiness is self-work and not waiting until you find the one or your soulmate.

Other than focusing on finding a relationship, Nicole encourages those she counsels to be happy right where they are by cultivating self-affirming habits.

Happiness does not depend on your marital status. Rather than looking at singlehood as a drag or humdrum, Nicole sees singlehood as a time to use your newfound freedom to become a better you. This time can be used to cultivate better eating habits and commit to a fitness routine. Perhaps it is your opportunity to check off some things on your bucket list. Singlehood is your invitation to set new personal goals and fulfill them. Now that no particular person is occupying your time, you can foster new friendships, even with the opposite sex. A single person may choose to go on dates but totally on their terms. This type of dating is strictly clean fun. The uncommon single knows that casual dates and sex are self-destructive and end in heartbreak and trauma.

So how does one enjoy their singlehood?

• Divorce yourself from fanciful representations of relationships on social media.
• Set goals to create healthy habits like exercising, learning a new skill, reading new books, and cooking recipes.
• Create a vision board for the person you want to be.
• Write a description of the man you would want to meet and with whom you would like to pursue a relationship.
• It might be time to seek therapy to address your emotional struggles.
• Assess your circle. Do you have supportive friends who speak life into the person you are becoming?
• Assess how you treat yourself and the messages in your head. Get rid of the negative self-talk.
• Find something to laugh about and roll out your chair.
• Understand that no one is “relationship goals.”

They say the grass is greener where you water it. Nicole Porter is a transformational speaker who uses her social media platform to empower young women to use their mistakes as stepping stones for the future. She is also the mother of a beautiful teenage daughter and is the eldest of two daughters. Nicole authored The Uncommon Single, a collection centered on love and relationships, and offers practical tips on establishing boundaries in dating. Nicole is the owner of Madisen Avenue, a women’s online boutique.

Get social with Nicole @nicoleporterllc | @theuncommonsingle @madisen.avenue