By Sandra J. Charite

We have to muster the strength to keep it together during breakups, divorces, miscarriages, unsuccessful careers, and spiritual attacks. We’re even expected to stay calm while trying not to worry about feeding our children when we lack financial support.  

 Back in 2018, I went through an embarrassing and heartbreaking time in my life. I tried to muscle my way through depression and anxiety on my own, but I failed. The pain was excruciating, and I kept myself busy to avoid dealing with myself.  I didn’t want to confide in anyone because I felt weak and could not trust people with my feelings and emotions.  I was gifted, talented, and a strong Black woman who was mentally unstable, and I needed help.

It’s been embedded into Black women that we have to be strong all the time while enduring our misery in solitude.  It’s complicated and dehumanizing to know that we must wear our superhero cape at all times. We have to muster the strength to keep it together during breakups, divorces, miscarriages, unsuccessful careers, and spiritual attacks. We’re even expected to stay calm while trying not to worry about feeding our children when we lack financial support.  Being mentally unstable often causes us to filter our pain into destructive relationships. Black women have endured many things throughout centuries, but we still have to keep things going. Unfortunately, no emotional breakdowns are allowed during our journey.  Yet, many have been able to withstand all kinds of tribulations and come out even stronger, which is the human embodiment of the motto, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

The Strong Black Woman tends to be resilient and keeps going even when she is fatigued and restless. She knows she should stop and take a break, but she places her mental and physical health on the back burner. The Strong Black Woman Archetype (SBWA), which is capable of handling emotional hardships without seeking professional support, often causes us to neglect our self-care, making us more likely to receive lower rates of mental health treatment.  Statistics show that Black women experience higher rates of depression and are also less likely to seek treatment for depression symptoms than the general population. 

Studies also show that women are the heads of households in roughly 30% of Black homes, compared to 9% of white homes. Many of us have been conditioned to take care of everyone else—spouses, kids, the church, elderly parents, and the households—so we don’t take care of ourselves mentally.  Sadly, Black women sometimes hide their mental health issues by keeping themselves busy or obtaining leadership roles in our churches and corporate offices. The more power we attain, the less we have to deal with us.

As Black women, being strong has become our norm as we wrestle through the ambiguous roads of life.

Black women go to work in emotional, mental, and even physical pain and surprisingly, maintain our smile. We hold the tears so we can silently cry in our showers or as we sit in our car and play 90s Hip/Hop or hide in the closet when the kids finally go to sleep.

The Black community has struggled against this stigma to address their mental health needs for so long, but I learned that my mental health is a priority. I honestly have a hard time expressing my feelings to others, especially those who are close. At some point, I had to learn to give myself permission to cry. During this global pandemic, I dealt a lot with loneliness—but it’s those moments of checking in with friends and sharing stories that helped me realize that I was not alone. My therapeutic methods of dealing with any mental instabilities are taking walks in the park, going to the beach, journaling, devotional time with God, writing poetry and songs, and spending time with loved ones (even at six feet distance). 

Ultimately, despite the stigmas of mental health within Black women, it is more vital for me to be mentally healthy than to be that Strong Black Woman.

By Sandra J, Charite

Sandra Jean Charite is a former journalist of The Miami Times newspaper.  A worshipper at heart, Sandra is devoted to ministry and serving God to the fullest. Sandra’s first published book, Broken Crayons Still Color, was released in 2016. She poured out her soul in a series of poems and stories. Then, she released her second book of poems, Picking Up My Pearls from the Altar. Each of her books invokes a mature level of transparency. The Lies I Told Myself is no different as she chronicles how the various lies that poisoned her mind paralyzed her from growth. So many lessons to be taught in the midst of heartbreak, insecurities, disappointment, fears, and of course, lies.  The Lies I Told Myself gives you a clear view that, as we mature, the truth is what sets us free.

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