How many girlfriends do you have in your immediate friendship circle? Chances are a few. Most of them may have encountered some form of abuse in their lifetime-maybe even you. Shockingly according to statistics from the World Health Organization (WHO), globally, 1 in 3 women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime, mostly by an intimate partner.
I was recently invited to interview on a program, and I shared accounts of experiences I have had with the subject matter growing up. Though it was second-hand in nature, it had unknowingly embedded a mix of psychological and emotional feelings within me. After the program ended, almost immediately, persons started reaching out and sharing some of their concerns and experiences. I then realized how common and almost ‘normalized’ abuse has become in society. We speak so much of empowering women and how times are changing, but frankly, many women are still being oppressed. Sure they might be able to vote, they can work some of the jobs men can, they are engineers and vice presidents, but many are still bound by abuse, whether directly or indirectly, and the gears of the machinery continue to spin.
Many women feel trapped in their own homes with abusive partners during covid and are unable to find the usual relief of going outside or even having the abusers go to work for a few hours.
Women though living in abusive situations and toxic environments remain for various reasons. Let us explore a few:
1. The illusion of ‘Love’:
And this may puzzle so many looking from the outside in. “How can he say I love you and do this?” In answering this question, we must take into account the ‘cycle’ of it all. For many, this was the example of love seen in their homes. This example is the very cycle that many women fall into. We are what we learn. To break this, some serious reprogramming of the mind must take place through counseling and psychology. Love should not have to hurt.
2. The threat of hurt to them or family.
The abuser has power through fear. This abuse of power is often done by threatening their victims to inflict more pain or hurt the victim’s loved ones. This fear then cripples the woman to submit and self-sacrifice for the sake of others they love. This abuse is a mechanism used to control those being abused. SPEAKING UP CAN HELP. Speak to someone in authority, not just another family member, share your story, and free yourself and your family.
3. Loss of self-worth and self-love
Many women who stay in an abusive relationship do so because they deem themselves unworthy and that no one else would want them. Low self-esteem, depression, and lack of self-worth put victims in a mental prison where they accept the abuse because they think they deserve it and they have nowhere else to go. Oftentimes the abuser has the money, the power, and the notoriety, and they stay because they feel they can do nothing apart from the abuser.
How can we end the abuse cycle:
1. Find a confidant: SPEAK TO SOMEONE about what has been happening and go to the police.
2. Uncover, do not cover up: Do not cover up what is happening, make a record of what has been happening. Take pictures, and other evidence so it will not be their word against yours. Hard evidence of what has been happening is important.
3. Seek counselling: To start life after leaving an abusive relationship is hard, and in fact, many women enter another right after. You must work on yourself and get counselling and psychological help. Deal with the trauma so you can be the best version of yourself before you start a life with someone else.
4. Share your story: When you have healed, you can help to heal others by sharing your story and providing a safe space for other women to heal.
If you are reading this and you are being abused, find the nearest police station or helpline for your area and TALK TO SOMEONE.
References
Join Founder Of TheBeyondWoman Jacqueline as she presents a session on 5 Days to Turn Your Life Around – Secrets to living an extra-ordinary life.
In a world that does not foster authenticity but instead throws us a script on how to do life, many are meandering through life. The reason you are meandering is because you are made for more. There is something within that does not align to your current experiences which causes you to constantly search for this “more”. If you have no clue what “more” entails, how can you find it?
And so we spend a good portion of our life hoping that life will become what we feel it to be on the inside of us.
This was me, maybe it is you
Would you like to hear how I found more? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW
