As a child Falasha lived in Jamaica with her paternal grandmother between the months of September and June and then she would spend her summer months in Boston, Massachusetts with her maternal grandmother. Her mother and father were not around much during her formative years until things changed and she went to live with her mother at age 13, also in Massachusetts, United States of America.
She describes living with her mother as a traumatic period for her. She had always imagined the experience would be great one but unfortunately it was the opposite. She found herself having to adjust to a life totally removed from the one she lived in Jamaica.
“I had to learn how to do things my mother’s way or I was sure to feel the brunt of her anger. There was one time my mother had beaten me up badly and I am thinking it was because of not doing something she had told me to. Mind you I was never an innocent child so I would not say she was this horrible, abusive person that would wake up in the morning and just start beating me. But this one time in particular I ended up with bruises all over, even a black eye. I lied to friends and told them someone had beat me up. This was to avoid the embarrassment of having to tell them my mother had done it. This was also a situation that caused me to go and live with my boyfriend at the time. He saw me and said I should not go back and I told him okay I would just stay with him and to my surprise my mother did not have a problem with it. I was 15 at the time and he was 18. Shortly after that I found out I was pregnant. He ended up going to jail for two years for possession of a firearm and because he sold drugs; and was there for my entire pregnancy. I found myself visiting him in jail; I thought I was in love.”
At this point young Falasha experienced trauma and hardship and shared that the only good thing that came out of that time were her children (she had a daughter not long after). She believes when the Bible tells us that our children are a gift from God, they truly are. Her son, she shares, was a necessary gift at that time in her life because she needed to have him to get away from her mother. Falasha and her mother now have a great relationship and she holds nothing against her. She now understands that her mother being young herself was doing what she felt was her being a mother at the time. She shared also that during the period of being on her own she built resilience and tenacity and the strength, all of which made her a survivor. She learned how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents and how to make life work.
TBWM: At this point did you think about your life in Jamaica and how you lived? Were there any regrets?
Falasha: Absolutely. Maybe not when I had my son because I was still in love and my thoughts were when he got out of jail we would get married and live happily ever after. So when he got out of jail I got pregnant again and then he went back to jail. Then he escaped from jail when I was seven months pregnant, and he was pretty much on the run and I was with him every step of the way.
TBWM: So you were living with a fugitive and this is not a question of judgment we are just trying to understand. Were you not scared?
Falasha: Of course I was scared, but then he was the only person that was there for me. He was my safe space. He cared to make sure I was okay. He was still a fugitive when I had my daughter but eventually they caught him when she was three years old. He served his time but during the time he was away I realized I did not want that kind of life anymore, not for me and surely not for my children. I grew up.
TBWM: What made you get to this point, what was the trigger?
Falasha: I think when a woman has children the priorities shift from her to them and what is best for them. It’s no longer about you or the man. It becomes what makes sense and what benefits my children. I did not want to be taking my children to prison to visit their father. I did not want that to become their life. He did not threaten me or force me to stay. I also believe God had a hand in it. I remember my grandmother before she died telling me “my knees have been bruised for you, your father and your uncles”. She was always praying for us. I believe God is an awesome and amazing God, and even when things don’t make sense for me in the moment and it’s hard to trust that the process that I have to go through is going to work, I just have to believe in God. I was also working at a great job, living comfortably without government assistance. I was having a normal life. I got to plan my mornings, and experience a better way. I did not have time for prison visits. I wanted to have a life too. I was meeting other people and realizing that there is a different world outside of the one I felt trapped in.
TBWM: Share with us any other struggles you may have gone through. It really could not have been easy being so young and raising two children
Falasha: No, it was not easy at all. There were other times I lost my job and had to start all over from scratch but I was never the woman to sit and cry about it. I remember a time when things had gotten really bad and my grandmother lived in a senior care facility. I would sneak in at nights with the kids and leave early in the morning before housekeeping came in to help her. I finally called my other grandmother in Jamaica and told her everything and she told me to come to Jamaica with the kids and so I went for that summer. While I was there I had mixed emotions. I wanted to stay and I also wanted to go back to America. The latter won and she gave me some money to get an apartment, buy furniture and start again which I did. I got the apartment and the job but I found myself in the worst relationship. It was physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally abusive all around. During that relationship I remember him almost strangling me to death and I woke up shaking and gasping for breath. I was literally fighting for my life. I still didn’t leave him. I was convinced I could fix him and that he was going to do right and get better and that he was just having a bad time. I made every excuse for him and stayed. He was sick and that is why I felt I needed to stay to help him and take care of him. In my mind I was all he had, and I felt sorry for him but in feeling sorry I experienced real horror. I exited that relationship when my daughter at eight said to me, “every time you leave and come back you have a new bruise and I think I need to go where you go so I can protect you.” I don’t think I need to say anything else.
TBWM: Did you stay for financial reasons?
