Written by Stacy – Ann Stacy-Ann Smith TBWM Writer

I recently read a book on suffering that challenged me to the core. In the book, the author, Elisabeth Elliott, who has gone through the loss of two husbands and was on her third, talked candidly about gratitude, acceptance, and the good purpose for suffering. Even though I was familiar with the scriptural basis for this view as stated in James 1, which challenges us to rejoice in trials, I marveled at her command of the subject and even more so her abandon to the God who allowed it. We can become very pessimistic and pained when we are dealing with emotional distress. We withdraw, whine, and grow weary. But there is another way and she  summarizes it in these four-steps.

Recognize it.

Yes, I know.  Like me you are sometimes heartbroken, overwhelmed, tired, hurt. The loss of the relationship was hard. The best friend’s betrayal was brutal. The child was being difficult child and managing him was draining. The uninvolved spouse  was exasperating. The  petty co-worker was infuriating. The sickness  would not go away. The  relative died. The job or business opportunity was lost. All of it was hard.  

In the hardship there is something to recognize. Each trial pushes us closer to God and deepens our intimacy with him Him. Each  trial also results in some  extremely significant blessings. Some of the most amazing gifts in my life came from some of the most trying experiences. There are many lessons we learn that we needed the trial in order to learn those lessons. Some of the miracles we have experienced both inwardly and outwardly have come from the most dire of circumstances. The lesson is about both the character of God and the development of our character.  In the book of  Romans, the fifth chapter, Paul puts forth the process so eloquently. It is in the suffering that perseverance, character and hope are developed. And this hope is one that does not disappoint because it is made available through the love we receive by the Holy Spirit. My aunt Diane, author of the book God in the Mean Time once told me I miss the hard times because it was then I saw God’s miraculous hand the most.

Accept it.

I have learnt that though the hurt, pain, frustration are hard to experience we will not just be okay, but we will thrive. It is excruciating but not purposeless.  God is trustworthy and  sovereign and whether He allowed it or caused it, we accept that He is in it.  Through  the experience we  will see Him more and experience some of the best things in life from the season.

When we realize that in the pain God can give us the grace to bear, we can not only accept it, but choose to respond with gratitude. Recently I was in a car accident and the physical pain and financial strain weighed heavily on me. I feared not being able to dance again. I feared being too broken to be worth marrying as my health issues would be burdensome and an unfair ask.  When I surrendered these fears to God, through the help of the Holy Spirit and the encouragement of my sisters in Christ I began to accept what I was in. Eventually I would see things to be grateful about.  The truth is we need pain sometimes “because God has something bigger in mind. It is never for nothing. And so, I say Lord, in Jesus’ name, by Your grace I accept it.”

Give it to God as a sacrifice.  

This one was very profound. All that I have, all that I own, emotions, will, desires – are to be given to God. But I never thought of offering the sadness to God.  Offering Him the heartbreak, the loneliness of singleness. As Elisabeth Elliot described the experience of dealing with cancer with her second husband, she realized that her “agony …[and]… anguish …was something which God had put in [her] hands to offer back to him. It was a gift.” What God offers in the hardship is also what we offer back to Him: The feelings, the present circumstances, and the outcome.

Everything we have comes from God and should be given back to him. And, because it is hard, the challenge of it and the giving of it to Him is evidence of our saying, “God, you are in control, and I trust You with this.” We are unable to handle it, so it makes sense to give it to the One who can. This is not giving it to God so He can change it. This is – give it God even while still enduring it. Offering to Him a true sacrifice.

Offer yourself with it.

As said before, there are times when we give our issues to God, whether as a sacrifice or in solemn resignation, that it does not necessarily  mean He will change the situation or circumstance. His plan may be to change you from the experience. Offering up yourself means: whatever you want to do God, You do. Have  Your way with me, my plans, my goals my desires. In this world that is focused on autonomy and  individualisation, the notion of offering self and all the expectations of life can seem archaic and oppressive. However, Joseph, David, Esther, Job and so many others, all had to deliver themselves up to God  Who in turn used them for great work that is still impacting lives today.

So, to my heartbroken, tired, overwhelmed, weary sisters…I know the pain feels unbearable and it is sometimes difficult to breathe. What they did comes flooding in your mind the minute your eyes open in the morning and their words keep you up at night. Whenever you feel like you have banished the memory, what they did pushes itself right back to the front of consciousness, showy and debilitating.

Presently it is so intense that your entire reality is the pain.  But there is life after heartbreak. Eventually the pain associated with it will subside and you can look at it and see how you have grown.  In the meantime, do  not quit. If you must pause – pause and then push. But do not push with your own strength. Push with the strength of your Father, believing by faith that He will give you the grace to endure. He Who  wept when Mary fell before Him in grief at the death of her only brother  Lazarus;  Who buckled in agony at the thought of the cross; He Who experienced His closest selling Him out and pretending to not know Him, deserting Him in His time of need, He doesn’t need words to understand your pain. What was watered with your tears will bear fruit. Pain will become process and the scar will be a memento of God’s faithfulness.

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