Cheers to you who brought life into earth! For many of you, your bundle of joy is now a toddler with an absolute favorite toy, a teenager begging for her privacy or an adult introducing you to your new daughter-in-law. You wouldn’t mind doing it all over again, well, minus the pain. Have you ever paused to think how people congratulate you for this feat but spare details about what you’ve had to go through? It’s not that they don’t care. They do but they prefer to talk about the “bright side” of your process- the end result that inspires everyone. 

The reason we squint our eyes past your painful process and only focus on the good result is the same reason we complain about and hide the pain we feel- it hurts. We’ve been taught to avoid pain to the point where most of us ignore it. Sigh!

But have you ever wondered why pregnant women or those planning to have babies ask many questions about the pain you might have felt? You’ve responded to numerous “On a scale from 1 to 10…”.  You go through the details and give your two cents. Expectant moms want to know what to anticipate so that they can be prepared. They want to hear the answers from someone who has trod that path.

Have you thought about your birthing pain? Like really sat and thought about how lucky you were to even experience it, to grow from it and share the experience? Have you thought about pain in general? I didn’t, until a friend changed my perspective during a conversation where I was most likely complaining about pain and wanting it to disappear. In late 2019, I experienced some terrible back pains that drove me straight to my doctor’s office. He revealed that I had a misaligned spine and took photos of my posture as proof. I was in disbelief for I always sat upright and walked with poise. But here I was with dreadful back pains. While telling my friend about the experience, he said, “Well thank God you felt the pain. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have known your spine is misaligned.”

Then he continued to enlighten my ignorance about lepers who could feel no pain. As a consequence, rats often gnawed on their feet.

In awe, I researched more. Leprosy is an infectious disease mainly caused by the bacteria Mycobacterium leprae, which causes severe damage to the skin and nerves in the arms and legs. Patients may develop large ugly wounds without feeling pain. According to a 2012 article from the University of Tromsø- the Arctic University of Norway, “The infection paralyzes the nerves in the skin so the patient develops numbness. The typical leprosy patient can burn his or her hands while cooking, and a stone in the shoe can quickly cause ugly wounds, called secondary sores. These wounds often get infected, and eventually the bacterium completely destroys tissues, especially fingers and toes…. Rats are not themselves hosts for leprosy, but both mice and rats still managed to inflict a great deal of damage on leprosy patients. Rats and mice were able to gnaw undisturbed on sleeping patients, because the patients had open wounds they no longer felt.” (partner.sciencenorway.no)

I bet you felt that!

At this moment, I beseech you to change any negative perspective you’ve had about pain. Let’s face pain for what it is and not fear it because of how it feels. When our bodies are injured, our nerve cells send messages to our brain which then makes us feel pain. We respond to prevent further injury. If the pot burns us, we put it elsewhere and/or we leave the kitchen to tend to the burn. We may ask why it is that we settle in situations that constantly cause us emotional pain. That’s for another article. Continue reading this to understand the power of your pain.

1. Pain gets our attention that would have otherwise been occupied. We need the sensation of pain to let us know when our bodies need extra care.

2. Pain prevents us from further injuring ourselves. It stimulates our fight or flight reflexes. Based on past experiences, we identify painful scenarios that we dealt with previously and we swerve them. The very reason you avoid every guy that reminds you of your ex.

3. Pain gives us perspective.
The presence or absence of pain allows us to see life with new lenses. Seeing other people in pain stirs something inside of us. Seeing people who cannot feel pain, as in the lepers’ case, causes us to complain less and to be thankful for the pain we are able to feel.

4. Pain is relative.
People have different kinds of pain. Physical and emotional; acute and chronic. Important to note is response to pain is individual. What may be painful to one person can be only slightly uncomfortable to another. For those with chronic pain, sometimes their pain response is the same even though there is no physical cause of pain. Our DNA, past life and perspective influence our pain threshold and our definition of pain itself. Evaluate how you judge another person’s painful experience. We can become more considerate and pleasant.

5. Pain gives us learning experiences to be shared.
Whenever an injury occurs, our brains revert to other situations. It then decides to invoke tears, raise heart rate, release adrenaline, or any other response. Our experiences teach others to give the same response or to respond differently. We also learn from the pain others go through. Those with chronic pain can teach us how to cope with the thorns in our flesh. We don’t need to get shot in order to know what a gunshot feels like. A gunshot survivor can share his experience and the lessons learnt.

6. Pain helps us to survive.
By signaling danger, pain protects us. The experience of pain humbles us. We understand our limits and appreciate our strengths. We cherish secure relationships and set priorities. We develop skills for self improvement and become more compassionate. We build resilience through our newfound personal strength. Earlier this month at our virtual conference, Increase, Natalie Taylor shared how she mastered her contraction pains. By the time she was due her last child, she never panicked as she became familiar with the pain felt. Instead, she patiently waited at home until it was time to go to the hospital.

7. Pain will not last forever.
My first advice to friends going through pain is to go through all of it. Feel everything and you will gradually get better. Don’t rush your pain. Midwives will encourage you to breathe while you push. Speak about it and welcome help. During labor, you may have opted for Lamaze, relaxation and breathing exercises that help reduce your perception of pain; the Bradley Method, which includes another person as a birth coach, analgesics or anesthetics to lessen or numb the pain. It will not last.

The transitional stage of labour is described as the most painful stage as your body is changing from the cervix opening to the body getting ready to push. It is said that during this phase, women often experience physical symptoms such as shaking, nausea and vomiting. Many feel overwhelmed and out of control, request pain relief or state they are ready to go home because the pain is too hard to bear. They may even push away birth partners. Sounds familiar? Interestingly, this phase is only temporary and lasts approximately 10-15 minutes (4 or 5 contractions). Some hours later, it’s time to push! Even nature lets your body recover in between contractions until surges of oxytocin cause the contractions to be more expulsive and help you to push.

2 Corinthians 1:4- “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” Learn from the pain with hopes to teach others.

Pain is necessary. Pain is beautiful. Pain is life. Pain is power. There is power in your pain.