When rapper/ comedian, Nora Lum (more popularly known as Awkwafina) published her ‘My Vag’ music video, the last thing she probably thought was that it would get her fired. On a happier note though, the video went viral and gave her career some well needed CPR. Needless to say, things pretty much went up hill from there; she released a few more songs and transitioned to acting where she also made a name for herself. Many have agreed with Lum, who insists that she was “just rapping about her female genitalia” and others have taken a dive in the deep to discover ‘feminist messages’ in the song which makes constant references to “My Vaj” and “Yo Vaj” (Your Vag).
While the song, in true rap battle style, is flat-out funny and not meant to be taken too seriously; it puts the act of comparison in the spotlight. Mighty old comparison, the big thief of joy which has single-handedly left too many women cringing and feeling insecure about their lady parts.
So yes! Enough with the comparisons; let’s end it here and toast to the fact that, ALL VAGS ARE EQUAL. I don’t know how this “My vag vs your vag” debate came about; maybe there was a ‘Miss Vagina’ pageant back in the day. One thing is sure, however and whenever this game of comparison came about; it has made at least one woman feel uncomfortable in her skin. To top it all off, there are these unrealistic rules and ideals which govern ‘Vag Nation’; like who even made some of these rules?
Aliens?
Let’s start with the one I find the most ridiculous:
Vaginas should smell like pineapples and roses. Trying to write this with a straight face but it’s not working out very well lol. Now, I’m not saying it’s okay to walk around with your vag having a dreadful odor (which often points to an infection); what I am saying though is that it’s unnatural to have your vagina smelling like petals, fruit nectar and pot pourri. Each vagina has it own unique smell, which changes with fluctuation in the body’s level of hormones and acidity (a.ka. pH levels). Simple things like eating a meal that had a lot of onion or garlic contributes to changes in smell. But if it’s unusually unpleasant down there, sis, you may need to get it checked out by your doctor. There’s nothing cute about walking around with an unusual odor; and using douches or any other fragranced insert will make make matters worse. Do not cover up, go check it out Sis.
Vaginas should be fat and not skinny. Some time ago I was shopping with a friend. I was in the undergarments section when something caught my eye; an interesting black blob, made out of material that was spongy yet sturdy. It was ackee shaped and flat on one side. I picked it up, turned to my friend and was about to ask what…, when it dawned on me. I was in shock and threw it back faster than you could bat your eye. Whatever it’s called, it was something you could put in your jeans, leggings or wherever to make your vagina appear bigger; or as Jamaicans would say ‘fluffy’.
Ladies, the diversity in vaginal shapes and sizes are beyond words. Some outer lips (labia majora) are fat and dense, some are lean, and others are a mixture of both. And ALL are perfectly normal. Popular music tells us that they should be fat and bulging in our jeans. Sadly some of us have bought into the idea of a vagina that looks more like an oversized breadfruit; rather than accepting what we were blessed with. Your vagina is THE standard for you and there really aren’t any others you should be comparing it with. Next time you hear some crap on the radio, telling you what your vagina should look like, tune it out.
Vaginas should not have hair– Beard or no beard, hair or no hair? For some of us this is a no brainer, monthly waxing, shaving with shears or using scissors to the clear the forest, is a regular to-do on our calendar; a clean shave is game. For others this is a major taboo; if hair wasn’t meant to be there, it wouldn’t be there in the first place, right? I have heard both sides of the story and all I have to say is this, what is your why? Do you shave because it’s the “right” or socially acceptable thing to do? Or is it for personal hygiene and health reasons? Do you keep your hair because it’s a personal preference? What is YOUR WHY? Living in a world that has so many subliminal influences, it’s always important to question the root of the action. Does the societal norm of removing vaginal hair serve you and the needs of your vagina?
Vaginas should be tight. Perhaps the most controversial, and probably the most discussed; but before we get into the nitty gritty of things, let us establish the fact that having sex frequently DOES NOT cause the vagina to loosen. Interestingly, vaginal loosening is mostly caused by aging. Just like any other muscle group in our bodies, the vaginal muscles loses its ability to bounce back as we increase in age. A natural part of aging I would say; which may be further complicated by having children older rather than younger. It is nothing to be ashamed of, just like cellulite, grey hairs, sagging breasts, wrinkles etc. etc.
Vaginas should ALWAYS orgasm. Sexual intercourse is expected to give to mind blowing orgasms. In fact, the expectation is so high and some women usually feel pressured into having orgasms and all that that jazz, that they end up faking it. Been there, done that- and hey guess what? Not experiencing an orgasm is not as rare as we think it is. In fact studies show that, “about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone; that is, without the extra ‘help’. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances,” (psychologytoday.com). So, the good news is that our vags aren’t broken; not having an orgasm is just about as normal, as having an orgasm. However, if you’re overly worried about this, you should set an appointment with your gynecologists or a sex therapist
to settle the jitters.
Vaginas should reproduce –I was barely past 24 when the questions started pouring in, “Joniel when are you getting married?,” “When are you gonna start having kids?” and I’m over here with a straight face like MYB (Mind Ya Business). Ladies the choice to have a kid is always YOURS and just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean you’re obliged to have a kid. Helluuuurr! Last time I checked, the 10 commandments did not include “Thou shalt have a kid”. The reality is, some of us are okay with just being aunties, that’s what makes us happy. Not having a child doesn’t make our vagina any less of a vagina, or invalidates our womanhood in any way. Some of us are also secretly struggling with fertility issues. So the next time you feel tempted to bug your sister or girlfriend about nieces and nephews, remember it’s really none of your business, if she doesn’t make it your business.
Sistas, for too long our vaginas have belonged to everybody but us and it’s time we changed that. It is time we created our own norms and stop letting the world and men decide for us. There is no ideal vagina…Except your vagina !! Don’t expect it to be jumping through hoops of blazing fire and don’t expect it to speak five different languages.
Girl you couldn’t have said it any better,
“There is no ideal vagina…Except your vagina…”