Before tying the knot, I did not give much thought to the post-wedding requirements for a successful marriage. I assumed everything would flow naturally and effortlessly as before. But after getting married, I realized how wrong I’d been. There has to be a constant determination to keep the fire burning; otherwise, there will be an inevitable decline. But it’s not like doing laundry or ironing clothes; working towards a successful marriage can be fun, and therapeutic.
Many couples adapt a trial-and-error routine, learning from the mistakes. Others rely on the advice of those who have gotten it right. Whatever your strategy, once there is an intention to make it, there’s a great chance you will.
Here are a few tips I’ve learned by applying both strategies:
- Take care of you. After settling into the comfort of marriage, it’s easy to let your appearance slide. Taking care of your body influences your spouse’s attraction to you. The reverse often sets a tone for future issues.
- Give some time to personal grooming. Sacrifice a few minutes each day to exercise. When you look good on the outside, you feel the same within. If you’re happy inside, you’ll be able to dispel the same feelings to your partner.
- Communicate. A good marriage thrives on open, effective communication. It is the glue that holds the marriage together. It involves an active attempt from both partners, for if one controls the reins, there will be no progress. In an argument, we often listen to reply. But the correct approach would to be to reflect what they’re saying (it’s called the mirror approach, which, in a nutshell, is putting yourself in your partner’s shoes). This allows a better understanding of what our partner is trying to communicate. It requires a two-sided involvement. Both partners should take responsibility for the dialogue and commit to seeing the process through. Work on expressing your thoughts and feelings outright. Encourage your partner to follow suit. Misunderstandings will come, but instead of getting angry, ask questions and seek clarification.
- Learn how to agree to disagree. No matter how compatible two people are, they will still have different opinions. A good marriage depends on being able to concede when necessary. Winning an argument is not as important as having peace with your loved one.
- Never take romance (sex) from the table. Sex plays a key role in any successful marriage. Intimacy, and the endorphins it releases, enhances long-term relationships. It creates a bond between the couple and maintains the fondness they have for each other. Not to mention, it’s a good method of workout for weight management! Inevitably, there will be times in a relationship when one spouse wants to make love and the other isn’t in the mood. It’s not often that a couple share a matching sex drive. It happens occasionally, but it’s not realistic to expect that your partner will need as much sex as you do. To make up for the variance, each partner will need to compromise.
- Spend quality time together. My husband and I have crazy, hectic schedules, and in the beginning, we struggled to keep our marriage from falling to the bottom of the priority list. But we made conscious efforts to keep it at the top. Spending time together doesn’t have to be expensive; for instance, we cook and exercise together, and set aside an evening at least every two weeks for ‘date night’. Sometimes it’s a romantic dinner, or a movie, but it’s always something that helps to tighten the bond we share. Even when we can’t spend time together, we have regular times throughout the day—even for a few minutes, where we check in on our relationship and what we appreciate about each other. Whatever you choose; as long as you commit to that quality time, it can enhance your love life.
I still have a lot to learn, no doubt, but a part of the fun is figuring out what works and using it to enhance my marriage. It’s not an easy road, but I can’t think of any other path I’d rather take.
Contributed by Romance Author Andrea L Smith Here are her current novels:
- Sweet Unholy Revenge: A cheating wife’s demise.
- Sweet Unholy Revenge: The return of karma.
- A Mistress and a Murder: The beginning of the end.
- A Mistress and a Murder: Secrets Uncovered.
- Dark Obsession: The lover from hell.
Follow her at:
Facebook.com/AuthorAndrea/ Website at https://andreasmithbooks.com/ IG @ author_andreasmith
