by Roxine Green

My young man, a sprightly 68 year-old hero of a man I also call Daddy, came home for a visit recently. For a man his age, he shows no sign of slowing down any time soon, and I often marvel at how he does it. He shared one of his gems with me and now I am going to share it with you. So my Dad and I were in the kitchen talking about plans for the coming Sunday and he says to me, “I am going to this place to worship, want to come along?” You know what I said to my young man, whom I only saw briefly during his 7 day visit? “No thanks, I am no longer comfortable around those people.” Friends, my young man stopped eating the mango he was enjoying during our conversation and looked at me and said- “Build Bridges not Barriers.”  

As I reflected on these words, I pondered over how I was to actually do that. I came up with 3 main points, but I know when you reflect on these yourself you will likely come up with more.

• Call a spade a spade!

To build bridges we have to acknowledge the hurt for what it is. For the most part it is difficult to forget a wound inflicted but we must forgive the wound inflictor. If we do not, then we stand the strong chance of never healing, as we place mental barriers each time we reflect on the damage done. Might I suggest that we build mental bridges instead? Now I am going to wax a little spiritual here, and since we are talking about forgiveness, there will be kindness for me afterwards. Budding preacher Steven Furtick taught recently that Jesus, the One who came to be Christ, acknowledged the wounds He received when He was nailed to the cross for our sin – debt. The disciples had locked themselves in the Upper Room. Jesus came to them in the locked room and told Thomas to put his hand in the wounds where the nails werenot are. Now this was Jesus. He is not limited by self-denialism or any other psychotic escapist persuasion. This was Jesus calling a spade a spade. The nails of pain and torture were there. Now they are no longer there. Just the scars remained. They form a message of “been there, done that” and which became part of His story for He went on to other and greater things. In the same way, we should also acknowledge hurt for what it is – an opportunity to learn and grow into the stronger individual we were created to be.

• Let it go!

To build bridges we must also let go of the hurt. I know we like to return to the place where the wound was inflicted in our souls. How that person made us feel. The thoughtlessness of others towards us, as if they are ignoring the fact that we are here using the same space. Can I tell you that many things are happening while we are wallowing in the pain? The wounder has moved on and is living their life. They are unhindered by that pain they caused you. They may have apologised (or not), but they do not give you or your pain a second thought. Life passes us by when we wallow in the pain. I don’t know about you, but it is impossible for the vast majority of us to be in more than one place at a time – literally and figuratively. So if we are wallowing in pain, we are not walking through life’s opportunities and experiencing sparks of fun and enjoyment. I cannot both wallow and enjoy life at the same time. I have to choose. It is either one or the other. We have to let it go to move on to regain joy and love and all the good things that we were missing while focusing on the pain. Let it go. Say it out loud: Let. It. Go.

• Forgive it to forget it.

To build bridges we have to forgive. By now everyone has heard the refrain forgiveness is more for you than the forgiven. Perspective always helps in this area. Well, it does for me, for I am a work in progress. I ask myself: Am I perfect? Have I ever hurt another soul? Ever? How would I want to be treated when I do something wrong? How much would I want to be forgiven? Once? Twice? 70 times 7? You see where I am going with this. Once I get started with this line of questioning, I have to gather my feet in my hands and go forgive the offender because when I think of how I used to be…I realise that I am no saint myself. Mercy is closer at hand by the time I get to asking myself the second question! Tell yourself: Forgive it to forget it! Say it out loud! Forgive it to forget it!

Friends, to build bridges rather than barriers call a spade a spade, let the hurt or offence go and forgive it to forget it.

Believe me, you got this. You are braver than you feel, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

Catch you next time