Good Relationships, Good Health, Good Childhood
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An oft overlooked component of good health is the impact of good relationships. Several studies have shown that having good relationships is a form of vaccination against both poor mental and physical health. Many theories on happiness emphasise the value of human connections, good
relationships and engagement in community activity and society, to good health.
Two of the earliest studies on relationships and health, conducted by Rene Spitz (1945) and John Bowlby (1969), showed that children who do not have solid foundational relationships with their primary caregivers, struggle to form other relationships. Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, showed that when children receive inconsistent attention from primary caregivers in infancy, they struggle to form healthy attachments later in life. In Spitz’s study, children who had extended stays in hospitals suffered adverse effects such as poor language development and poor physical health. The effect was theorized to be a result of poor social contact between the infant and its caregivers.
More recent studies have shown that when persons do not have enough good relationships, they have weakened immune systems and are more likely to suffer certain ailments. This isn’t anything new. Abraham Maslow in his hierarchy of needs, pointed to the importance of good relationships, second only to the basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, and security, as essential en route to self-actualisation.
My own recent research into well-being has shown that one of the primary indicators of well-being is the nature of the relationships an individual develops. It is also shown that children from higher socioeconomic backgrounds have larger vocabularies than those with lower socioeconomic status. The evidence points to the fact that mothers in the higher socioeconomic group are more likely to have longer conversations and use more words with their children, which leads to better vocabulary acquisition.
So where does this leave us as parents as we try to guide our children to become fulfilled adults, and how can we, as parents use this knowledge to develop better relationships with our children?
I’ve found one simple technique that has worked wonders for my relationship with my own daughter: I go with her for a daily 20-30 minute walk. This simple exercise helps me to accomplish two goals.
First, I am able to do the minimum daily recommended amount of exercise to maintain good physical health. We go for walks during daylight hours and I find that I enjoy being outside where we are exposed to a natural environment, and are able to appreciate nature. We meet people along the way, and I am able to teach her the basics of courtesy and engagement. Lots of people see us and a few may comment, and I use the opportunity to teach her to be cautiously friendly and alert to dangers in the environment.
Secondly, these daily walks provide a valuable opportunity for me to talk to her, get to know her, and better understand who she is and what makes her tick. I think this is the very essence of a good relationship. It is something to do that does not involve me giving her instructions that are tied to school or official learning, but really just a chance to let her be herself.
We walk; sometimes we even have mini races. It is invaluable communication, it’s loads of fun, and she enjoys the routine to the point of asking me regularly if we can go for a walk. I highly recommend it.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss. Volume One. Attachment. Second ed. New York: Basic Books.
Spitz, R. A. (1945). Hospitalism. An Inquiry into the Genesis of Psychiatric Conditions in Early Childhood. The Psychoanalystic Study of the Child. 1(1), pp. 53-74.
Article contributed by :Dania Bogle who is a professional communicator and researcher in health and well-being. For responses to this article you may contact her at: Email address – dmbogle@yahoo.com.                LinkedIn:https://linkedin.com/in/daniabogle/
Twitter @daniabogle
